[Note: The names and locations have been changed to protect the ugly.]

Dear [Jane Doe],

Let me first start by sharing with you my deep condolences. I am terribly sorry that you are exposed to such a horrible monstrosity every time that you must go to [this] branch of [this bank].

I have worked at your store a handful of times, and every time I have had need to go to the bank, I have noted that the are some quite uncommon people working there, but I put it out of my mind because of my rush to get out of line. On [this] unfortunate day, I had to go to the bank so your store would have funds to distribute to your customers, and I also needed some nourishment, so I thought to myself that I could kill two birds with one stone.

Upon my entry to [this] branch of [this bank] I had nothing more than a hopeful desire to obtain the funds without any unnecessary arguments or denial of our company's assets. As I was standing in line, a gentleman was behind me breathing obnoxiously and quite loud. As I slowly inched forward and looked ahead to see the next available attendant, I noticed how horribly frightful each employee [of this bank] was. Each was more homely than the next. Fortunately, for the sake of my reputation, I did not cry out in disgust, but I found that I could not look away from such an ill-favored scene. To my dismay, it was my turn next, and the most grotesque of the bunch was to be my clerk. As I slowly moved forward, trying not to stare, I rapidly signed the check and handed it forward to the foul woman. She was indeed helpful and very friendly, but that could not help me in my plight.

It turned out that a different employee [of this bank] had the funds which I desired, so I moved to his station. Again, I could not take my eyes off the gruesome scene which lay before me. It seemed as if they had combined their respective horrid powers against me. I had no choice but to wait as they did all the necessary work.

Upon leaving the branch, I felt as if I had a renewed vigor. A new goal in life to never go back to that branch again. As I was driving back I noticed that I had lost my appetite. I could not help but dwell on the fact that [this bank] must have branches set aside to employ such unsightly people as these. My parents' next door neighbor works as a "high up" for [this bank], and I am going to write a letter to him, seeking a map of these kinds of stores, so that I may never have an experience like this again

Back to the point of this letter. It fills my heart with sorrow that you must face this onslaught of these offensive looking people. My only advice would be to mace yourself before entry or spend the extra money in gas and drive to a different location. As it has always been in my nature to "check out" the attractive women who work at the banks, and I have always found at least one...except in this horrid case.

Again [Jane Doe], I am so desperately distressed that you must witness this display almost every day. Please take caution if you ever have to enter [this] branch of [this bank], or, as I call it, MutantVille.